Wholeness
One of the greatest tragedies of living with chronic illness is that our basic humanity is denied as payment for fixing an acute problem. Intense focus on single aspects of our diseases can enable specialists to effectively treat symptoms and avoid disaster, but it can give us the distorted sense that we are the sum of our parts instead of synergistic beings. This can crystalize a vision focusing only on our physical selves and abilities. Often out of necessity, medicine has divided patients into parts and prescriptions that are doled out to treat this or that symptom. It is up to us to put the pieces back together and resist the tendency to see ourselves only as patients.
Our understanding of ourselves must include more than just the things we do. If we become overly invested in our roles, there is a great threat to our self-images when we can no longer do the things that define us. If we feign positivity to make others feel comfortable, we fail to live as who we really are. A shift in perspective about who we are helps us see our whole selves more compassionately. We then become essential threads in the tapestry of the universe instead of lone forces forging a set path. Psychologist Susan David studies emotional agility and offers life-changing observations and strategies for understanding our inner world.
Nature offers lessons that teach us that as our perspectives change, so do our perceptions of our situations. As night turns into day, this liminal time guides us to understand that we are more than our limitations. Just before dawn, our eyes perceive objects solely as form, devoid of color. Yet moments later, the first fingers of light hint that there’s more. As the sun breaks over the horizon, new hues emerge that complete our image of the objects before us. They become whole – imbued with both color and form. The darkness allows us to see the danger of focusing on a single aspect of ourselves or our circumstances. No matter the circumstances, we must see ourselves as multifaceted. Dawn is the invitation to freedom – the freedom to be unapologetically who we are and more whole than we began.
My first eureka moment came as I walked on the beach early in my search for a new understanding of my life with chronic illness. I was combing the sand for the perfect shells. I wanted the beautifully formed ones that had not been broken by the surf and had no imperfections. At last, I spied a flawless shell and scooped it up, only to find a small hole hidden on the underside. I almost threw it back into the gulf, but I was suddenly struck with the glaring symbol of my broken body. I curled my hand back over the shell for safekeeping and continued my search for beautiful, not perfect shells.
You don’t suddenly arrive at self-compassion. It’s a relationship you have with yourself that must be entered into over and over again. For me, it’s important that I check in with myself regularly. It’s easy to fall back into old thought patterns that have worn ruts in my brain, especially when facing a setback or disappointment. Checking in helps me care for parts of myself that need looking after before my pain turns into suffering. I ask myself questions that make me think about where I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I keep a journal, but if you’re not into writing, sit quietly and think about your responses. Use the questions below or come up with your own check-in.
Physical
Am I respecting my body’s needs and limitations?
Am I clinging to any unrealistic images of my physical self?
Am I remembering to breathe correctly?
Are my muscles tense?
What hurts?
What doesn’t hurt?
Emotional
Am I fixated on a particular thought or problem?
Am I stuck in a negative pattern of thinking?
Can I forgive myself for negative thoughts and feelings?
Can I reframe the problem? For example, My life stinks! I have to have another surgery- can changed to- The surgery will allow me to do more of the things I want to do.
Am I isolating myself?
How can I reach out to others even if I’m not up to visiting or visitors?
What have I done for fun lately?
Spiritual
Am I able to see the Divine revealed in myself, others, and the world around me?
Am I mirroring the Divine’s love in my love for myself, others, and nature?
