Recharge
Usually, my pain and other symptoms are like static on a car radio when you’re too far from the station. I still listen to the music of my life until the static overtakes it, and it’s too loud to keep dancing. This is what I call hitting the wall. Feelings of anger and sadness block my ability to feel joy. This can happen when physical pain becomes more intense, I’ve missed one too many social gatherings, I feel misunderstood, I fear the results of medical tests, I face a treatment that seems worse than my illness, or I miss a hobby that I love. I’m sure you have your own list of things that can bring on the blues. I have learned that if I focus on my pain, it typically increases. However, when I hit the wall and feel overwhelmed, I hold a magnifying glass to pain and don’t turn away from it.
So what happens then? If I’m committed to living a life of joy, does throwing a pity party for myself make me a failure or a fraud? Not on your life! It means I have yet another chance to choose joy. Before you roll your eyes and think, “Really? Is she kidding?” Feeling the pain fully actually allows me to let it go. I’m careful not to hold on too tightly or drown in the murky water of my temporary wallowing. I remember that these feelings will pass. Having compassion for myself allows me to begin to unclench my fists and release my expectations, disappointments, and fears. I begin to sing a new song, an even sweeter song whose lyrics tell the true story of who I am.
I’ve noticed that I’ve gotten so good at keeping the physical and emotional dogs at bay that I sometimes can’t summon the emotions that will provide a healing release and allow me to recharge. When I hit the wall, which happens less often these days, I sometimes feel numb. It helps if I jumpstart my catharsis by listening to a song that highlights the emotions I’m trying to access. I’ve made a Recharge Playlist that speaks to the many moods associated with my chronic pain and illness, sort of like the Jerry Jeff Walker Song, I Feel Like Hank Williams Tonight. Some are anthems of encouragement. Others are ballads that nudge me to reclaim my sense of worth just because I am me, while many remind me that I am not alone. What are the different emotions that well up when you think about your chronic illness? Try making your own playlist or adding to mine. Be intentional about selecting songs that speak to you.
There is lots of evidence that music can decrease pain levels. While listening to music, chemicals in the brain are released that relax our minds and bodies and offer some relief from pain. You might want a separate playlist when you want to relax.
